“It’s ok, I wait till I retire then I’ll think of doing treatment for myself.”

“Healing? I am good and healthy, why do I need to do that?”

“I will go and do my whole set of blood works first and come back to you if I need ‘healing’.”

“I am busy.”

“I am fine.”

These are some of the reasons or rather excuses that I hear from men when we talk about healing. Healing from emotional upheavals, healing from stress, healing from past traumas or simply healing itself.

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When traumas or some crises happen, women tend to break down and express themselves no matter how ugly the expression is. Crying, screaming, talking, bingeing, indulgence, just to name some of them. For men, they look totally calm, under control, holding everything together after their world crashes around them. No crying, no screaming, no meltdowns. Just peace. As if.

The superficial society often view women and their post traumatic expressions as being broken, being crazy or even weak. While for men, the calmness and stability in facing traumas and big mishaps in life are deemed acceptable, rightful and hence given the grandiose appraisal of being strong.

This is pure nonsense.

In fact, the weakest are the ones that APPEAR to be strong. This façade of ‘strength’ is created by first using the ton-weighted iron anchor to pull down any form of chaos and their expression in the already shattered world, followed by using the world’s best mint broom to sweep any remnants of broken pieces still floating on the surface. This is then bulked by the Styrofoam of illusory calmness and zen and patching of the broken lines that may still be externally visible by attaching them together underneath with the Scotch tape of delusionary control. What a wonderful piece of superficiality goodness created by the hands of Ego. How ignorantly genius to engage in the strategies of suppression, escape, deception to put up this masquerade.

Often, due to the heavenly work of ego and strategic coping mechanisms by as said, men look like they have healed, miraculously right after the traumas, as if nothing has happened, nothing has hurt them and all is well. The reality is they are not healed. At all. And worse, they choose not to. Because appearing to be strong sells better than behaving like a woman - talking too much, tearing too much, attention seeking too much – all of which are signs of weakness in a masculine influenced world. Yet opting for this only sets the stage for a life of imprisonment and confusion. Trapped in inauthenticity and bewildered in sicked polarized psyche and behaviours that repeatedly surface and leave one constantly questioning himself, “What is wrong?”.

Having said that, it is obvious the solution is to first break down the façade.

In other words, be vulnerable.

But being vulnerable requires immense strength, much more than that to build up that facade of strength.

However vulnerability is the virtue of femininity. Ego is the drive of masculinity.

Therefore women truly heals because vulnerability is much easier accepted and embraced. For men, they have to cross the extra barriers set up by their own ego and break the chains they have voluntarily and blindly tangled themselves in before true healing begins.